Picking my battles

Yesterday I posted on facebook a link that talked about being the OLDEST CHILD.  While I will claim this title willing, I am really wanting to focus on my oldest Child.  She is to a tee what this link talks about.  Ambitious and over the top.  And of course the Guinea Pig.  She just turned 10 years old.  I think that could qualify for the "TWEEN"  years.  It has been creeping on for several months now.  In the process I have had to re-learn how to deal with "EXPLODING EMOTIONS."  She has always run emotionally high, so the extra little push from the said ,hormones,  has really made our home, well egg shelly.....  Some days are great.  But most of the time a fight would break out, eventually.

For a month or so my amazing daughter had turned into a monster.  And I felt like the monster slayer.  Our home felt awful and sad.  The hardest part was that I understand how she is feeling.  Me and her are from the same mold.  Emotions on our sleeve for all to see.  Fighting for every inch even when you don't have to. It took us many prayers to finally get to the answer that my family needed.  

We had to change the way we reacted to this craziness. Her Dad deals well with her unless he gets pushed to his breaking point. He lowered his tone.  No yelling could fly back at her.  This Mama was required to be calm and peaceful despite the angry.  I stink at it sometimes and she gives us plenty of practice.  But our home has turned into a positive place to be, not a locked down prison where if anyone brushed by the other a raging fire broke out that couldn't be extingushed.

Also there is this little thing called ATTENTION..... This darling girl is the oldest of five children.  Attention can be hard to come by.  But it must matter to you what any of your kiddo's are saying.  Don't give them I am too busy.  Use those listening ears that you so insist THEY use.....  

Those soft loving arms you hold those new born babies in must still exist for those darling growing tweeners...  They need it more than we think.  Elementary school kids are mean little stinks.  I have seen tears coming from her eyes that where put there by her very best friend.  WE ARE TO ONLY LISTEN NOT FIX, OR CRITICIZE.  It would seem normal for us to analyze and tell them what they could have done better.  Just listen and let them cry.  Then build them back up.  Empower them so the next time something like that happens they will be better equipped to deal.  

Growing up is hard work.  These kids need a Mom and Dad in their corner.  What they do should matter to you even if they stink at it.  What happens to them must MATTER or they will feel alone.  Build them up so when their piers tear them down they will never fall too far.  

I have learned so much from my oldest.  She has by far been my biggest teacher in life.  She is my most difficult and by far my most resilient....  She has made it through me and her father (the slowest learners in the world)  And I know she will make it through these tween years and teenage years.  

The Girl is fierce and if she keeps her fight and fire pointing in the right direction..........

  

Being a Mother!!

So this is what has been on my mind all day long.  I am MOTHER!  I have 5 yes 5 children.  Each one their own little creature.  Each one with their own little quirks and frustrations and smile.  My love for each of them is undescribeable.  With my oldest daughter I though how could I love anyone more.  Then my son came and it just grew, and grew and grew and grew.  Until my heart is full of the love I have for every one of them.

I often times have found myself frustrated and sometimes mad that my career isn't what I think in my mind that it should be.  I look at the way others have blossomed in my field (and believe me there are many)  and i think how am I to keep up with the technology and styles.  I barely have time for the little work I do do (ha I just spelled do do.. a reoccuring joke at my house of elementary school children.)  So I find myself daydreaming the day away of how can I break into having those magazine spreads, or blog posts of beautiful weddings, or a perfect website.  But I do not have many of these things.  I have been privledged to have one or two of opportunities but never anything consistent.  I LOVE my job as a photographer but even more I LOVE MY CHILDREN.

They are what comes first in my life.  Just this afternoon I tried to book a class on learning more about the equipment I use, and realized that I have Wrestling practice, Cub Scouts, and Dance Class to make it to.  And feed them dinner before they go so they don' t miss behave at their said activities.  Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world.  I hate that Women put their kids aside so their career will flourish.  I am not taking away from those of you Women who have to work.  I respect you tremendously and know that every person's situation is different.  I sometimes wish that I could be you and do what I do full time.

But I wouldn't wish these moments that I get to spend with them away for anything.  Even the moments when your three year old throws a 15 minuet fit in Joannes because you won't buy her jewelry box that is 20 dollars...

So hug those little people who made you Momma's they are here to teach more than you will ever teach them.  And forgive you every time you make a mistake, and loose your temper.  They love you no matter what.  You made them, they are a part of you.  Keep them safe and remember how those little smiles light up your day even when it has been down in the dumps kind of day..

      

Moving on!

Just these past few weeks High School Seniors everywhere are on their way to bigger and better things.  I have had the great opportunity to photography several of them.  In spite of my excitement and love for each one of these young people.  I can't help but notice something in them.  There is a sense of vuneralbility. They are leaving a life that they have done exceptionally well at.  They have had so many accomplishments that up to this point seems like and incredible feet.  I am mostly writing because I fear for them.  Each one differently.  Some seem ready to attack this new adventure, leaving their greatness behind, only to become a little greater in a few years.  Some however, the ones I am most afraid for, seem unready.  The road they will follow seems set and ready for them.  They will leave however without a sense of who they are.  Their standards tested and their support system gone.  The one thing they had that kept them from harm will be gone.  They are to do it alone.  I remember how ready I was and thinking of nothing more than being on my own and getting to be responsible.  I was tested in my faith and my standards.  Thank Heavens for incredible friends who kept me on the straight and narrow.

So to all of you new adults, who are out there to start a new adventure.  Stop and think of who you want to become and become that person.  Stay strong, as you are now.  Hold fast to your faith and standards.  Don't change them to fit in.  And lastly invest in amazing friends.  Good luck and I am praying for you...

I love you BABY!

So the other night I was lucky to be a part of one fasinateing conversation.  It began with, "Do any of you remember"

This awesome person "Sally"  is one of my roomates.  I would in a way call her the "Mother" of our little group.  She is one special person and doesn't know it, but has been an inspiration of kindness and dedication.  She is exceptionally faithful to her religion and I adore her for her great testimony.  She a year or so ago sent me a letter.  Not an email, or a text, but and actual LETTER.  It came in the mail like old special pieces of paper do.  I read this note and it was thanking me for something I was unaware of.  She is just really great like that.

The reply to the question was by another inspirational woman, "Lindsay Jane."  She is still to this day one of my greatest friends.  She has been a teacher to me, an employer and an all around enlightenment.  I have been lucky to have been able to spend so much time with her.  We met at work, taking pictures, and it is a wonder to me that we became such fast friends.  I owe a many thanks to her.  And did I mention she takes an amazing photograph?..

My next friend "Jenny" as I knew her, jumped in to reply with a witty and smart answer.  Thank heavens for facebook, or I may never have heard from her again.  She was always so pretty...  You know one of those girls all girls hoped to look like one day.  Well guess what she is still as lovely looking as ever, and finally happily married...

Next one of the quieter of the group, unless she had something good to say, "Abrial" pops in to say her hellos.  She was always so bright and happy.  There when no one else was.  Now she has the cutest little fella around and expecting her second.

Finally a late comer to this conversation, besides me, is the most amazing "Emily".  I remember her singing all of the time and her wild way of looking at life.  She always had a creative way of looking at things and more than once made me change my perspective.  It was no surprise to me when I saw her photos on facebook that her hair was still awesome and short.  Something I still don't dare do.

Among all of these women I was reminded of a time when I didn't have to run every which direction.  When life was less demanding and I didn't feel like exploding from the constant noise.  That I do love by the way, but sometimes remembering makes the times when you are sick of it all bearable.

I was the first to tick myself off to marriage, and have babies, but relish in the times we had together.  They made every moment fun and silly.  It was easy to be around them.  From the moment we all met we where friends and I am glad to say I am still in touch with all of them.  (Finally)

So ladies here's to crazier, free times.  "I love you babies!!!"

I give up!

Have you ever had one of those days? 

This evening has been one of them.  It was normal and crazy around here, as usual, but for a few moments it got away from me.  Dinner was nearly done and I was pulling the chicken off of the grill.  In the mean time I entered my house to find my dog.  Now we haven't quite hit the love stage of this animal yet and today may have made it harder to get there.  She had found a very wet diaper and drug it down my hall and under the kitchen table.  Well during the drag time that stuff... You know the nasty mushy silicony stuff that you can't wipe up, sweep up, vacuum up, or really in any way shape or form clean up.  It had formed a trail that started at end of my hall and landed under my table.  I do my best to clean it up until my sweet neighbor knocks on my door.  Thank Heaven she is the non judge mental type that has seen my home at its very worst state.  She visits for a moment and I manage to clean it up and turn to find the paper towels unrolled completely and my two year old singing doda's through the tube.  

At this point I give up!  Thinking I have been beat.  But of course what is a victory without a little gloating.  As I pick up the unrolled towels, I hear the sweetest giggle ever.  I look to see my two year old throwing rice and chicken at my baby who is in a full belly roll at this point.  

So here you go I am now waiting for the rice to dry a little before a major sweep up.  

I guess my point is this.  How many of us are stuck on keeping it all together.  We look at others posted life's on line and start comparing ourselves to what we think they do.  And how perfect we think their lives really are.  We put ourselves down and start to feel crummy about who we are and what we do.  That we just don't measure up.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  

The bad guys that are working against us are loving to tear you down.  To make you think that your best isn't good enough.  I attended a stake relief society conference a couple months ago and this was the very thing that was talked about.  God wants us to do our best everyday.  He will fill in the rest.  He is what makes our best great.  When we feel we can do no more and have done all we can we must rely on him to help us through.  All we need to do is ask.  Prayers are the only things will get us through these days we want to just give up.  

Today may have been crazy and overwhelming, but I got to hear the best sound in the world, a babies giggle.  I was able to feed my children a good solid meal, and clean up a floor in home that may not be clean all of the time, But it is full of children that are happy.  They are what make me smile and realize that I can choose to look at the part that makes me crazy,  or be grateful for the things I have been blessed with.  

Choose to be happy or choose to be frustrated.. I take the first choice....    

My Valentine!

This is my Valentine. 

 He is one incredible guy.  

He gets up every morning and goes to work and continues to come home to all of us crazies.  Upon his arrival every small person is racing for the first hug.  It never ceases to make me smile.  He lives for us and is an incredible father to all five of his kids.  He is way more fun than I am. He also coaches and I am continually impressed with his willingness to get these kids to reach their highest potential. 

This man also takes time to kiss me goodbye and hello without fail.  He gives the best hugs in the world and I know there is safety in his arms.  Besides all of this wonderful stuff he does I love him with everything in me.  He puts up with plenty of emotion from neck of the woods, and the best part of it all it he loves me back.  I would be lost without this man.  He is my love for forever.  And that is a good thing, because forever is a long time.

I love you Mr. Jones!

9th, 10th, 11th, 12th and 13th

Baseball of course!  My family has a slight obsession with it...




                                                                          Hot Chocolate!  I drink all too often.  It has a calming effect on me.  Before bed, really anytime even in the summer....

My personal favorite add in is canned milk. It is heaven! 

I LOVE motivational/inspirational quotes!

and clearly President Hinckley said most of them! 

Dancing!!!  

I miss it soooo much! 

But sometimes I get to go 

Crazy like around the kitchen with the music as loud as it will go.

Dancing!!!

And finally with no picture attached 

COUNTRY MUSIC

I will always love it.  Give me a little Chris Ledoux or George Straight and I will sing out loud to almost every song.  The old stuff is the good stuff! 

Fourth, Fifth, Six and Seventh and Eighth

 Holding sleeping babies

 The color green is my most favorite color in the whole world!

 Braids, they save my hair daily

 Red hair!  Particularly this one.  It just glows so brilliantly in the sun! 

Little green books!  I have a small collection.

Food!

What can I say I am an avid food fan..  I love to cook.  Will taste almost anything, except sushi we are not friends...  So in light of a famous food day, The Super Bowl, we must talk about food. 

Menu

Chili Verde

Guacamole

Queso

Cheese cake

Sweet pulled Pork

Fresh Salsa

All home made and by me and my mother.  What can I say she taught me well.

Search Ponder and Pray

 This next thing I love is dear to me.  It has kept my head on straight through many a tough times.  Between reading my scriptures and prayer, as a mother I would fail miserably.  I need help!  I know I must do my best everyday, and the Lord will pick up the rest if I just ask.  He is my strength in hard times.  My confident and companion on a daily basis.  He is always with me.  It prepares me for the day and makes is go smoother.  With Gods help I can accomplish anything if it be his will.  I am grateful everyday for him and the words I get to read.  My scriptures are my guiding light back to him, instruction on how to return home to his loving arms one day.  The Lord loves each of us so much. He left us with prophets to lead and guide us.  Scripture to teach us and help us draw closer to him.  My testimony is what keeps me steady on rough days.  I am a Mormon!    I Know it!  I live it! and I love it! 

The things I LOVE!

A few days ago I wrote a list of a few of the things I love.  I am not good at sticking with projects that are long and time consuming.  So I thought I might be able to do this one since it is the shortest month of the year,  I am aching to take pictures, and well being positive is really what I was going for.  January sucked the life out of me so focusing on the things that I love I thought might make me smile a little.  So to start things off I am listing one of the many things I LOVE....

EXERCISE,

at least it was one my favorite things up until yesterday.  I decided that I was tiered of feeling crummy after have baby number 5.  The bod just doesn't want to bounce back as fast as it used to.  So I pulled out a p90x video.  Today my back hurts and my arms hurt and I felt pretty lame when I just couldn't bend that way and tipped over during warm ups.  But today the sun was shining and who doesn't want a little vitamin D...  So I started to run pushing my 2 year old in a stroller and came to find it is hard work.  I was a little slower than normal and sweat came a little faster.  But I am determined to not look 4 months pregnant for the rest of my life.  So today I LOVE exercise...

Still in LOVE

The other day me and my sister where talking with my Mom.  I had found some old pictures of my father from when he was a lot younger.  We where talking and teasing about how my Mom and Dad fell in love.  She was got a little funny all of the sudden and said, "You know I didn't fall in love with your father for his looks, I fell in love with the man he was."  You know when your voice cracks and you have that holding back tears feeling.  She was doing just that.   They really have kind of a sweet story about how they fell in love.  And I thought how sweet it was to see her still a little swoony over him. What great examples I have for marriage in my parents.  They have always loved each other so much and apparently still do.

I have been married for 10 years, have 5 children that make feeling butterflies a little difficult.  I was lucky enough to get to feel that a few days ago.  I was teasing him in the halls at church (of all places) and kissed him, I may have blushed a little.  I do still kind of like him.

It truly made me think about how much I love him and why I fell in love with him.  Think about it ladies it may make you blush..

(sorry momma!  I know it isn't your best but it is the only one I had.  love you both so much)

49 days

Today is exactly 49 days until I have officially been married for 10 whopping years.

10 years is rather and incredible feet if you ask me and if you want see what my plans are for the next month and a half stick around..

Today my hubby got a text, that will be of many that read,

""I LOVE that I am yours"

He has no idea of what is going on, and has already questioned my kindness...


I am hoping that it will just improve on an already good thing...

GREAT Kids!

How many of us have gotten caught up in this very thing.  We are not good enough as parents and continually see our failures.  I read this and was reminded that I have incredible children.  Are they perfect, NO!  Am I perfect NO!  But they are amazing children.  My Mother in law was so gracious to watch them for me while I was working the other day, did I mention when I go to work that I have a tendency to never know when I will be done.  So a whoping 3 hours later I came to get them.  While they where there my oldest two helped Grandma with a chore.  Her comment truly ment a lot to me.  She told me that my darlings are great workers.  I knew that deep down, but I am the one who is continually fighting them to clean up this and clean up that.  They I forget do, do it.  I could go on and on about why each child is GREAT, but really I want all of you to look at your own kiddos and see what good you have created.  You are their first teacher.  The one's teachings they will look to when they are facing tough things as school or life in general.  YOU are their MOTHER or FATHER.  They loved you even when you where tough on them.  And forgave you when you made a mistake.  Look and them. See the BRILLIANT people they are.  Your may find that you are less scared of what they may become.... And see truly what they can become...  

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter

Letter from a Mother to a Daughter:


 "My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”... Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way... remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day... the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionaly lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad... just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you... my darling daughter. "

To all who need to be reminded of just how special each one of us are despite our age....

Stay tuned for a memory of my own mother...

The Bandit

It has been too long since I have hunted down a woman who is otherwise not me. I love to hear others perspective on things. I was truly lucky to have snagged this beautiful lady due to the fact that she just happened to be in town. We quickly got together and she patiently dealt with my babies who had to tag along on this shoot, I told you we got together on super short notice. Needless to say she was charming and lovely and things went better than expected.

So this is my darling friend Jessica. She is actually my husbands friend and was at one time referred to as a "Sleepover Bandit" along with her cousin Ellen. They spent a lot of time with my husband and his brother long before I met him. I was so jealous of these girls at first. But found that they were really all just great friends. I have followed her ever since blogging showed up and have found out why they all got along so well. To me she seems to be one adventurous woman. Never sitting still for a moment. I have loved getting to know her better and to realize just how cool she really is. So here you go people another wonderful woman's outlook on getting older...

On August 4th of last year I turned 30, and I think it's safe to say I was freaking out right before I hit this milestone. I still feel 17 sometimes so it's hard to believe I'm 30! When I was younger I thought of people in their 30's as "old" but now that I am there, my mind has definitely changed. Now I look at people in their 30's as having it all together, the 20's are spent building what you can enjoy throughout the remainder of life and now I get to start reaping the benefits.

I've been doing some serious thinking lately, thinking about what I've accomplished in my 20's and what I want to do in my 30's. I feel like a new chapter in my life is beginning.

I've been married for 9 years to my best friend. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Tony knows everything about me and still loves me slash loves me even more because of it. So anyways, for those 9 years, my husband has been going to school the entire time. First it was an associates of applied science degree, then a bachelors degree, and then onto a graduate physician assistant program. Well, after a long, LONG time of him studying his brains out and me basically being a single mom while he was at school, he finally graduated.... the day after I turned 30 (probably the greatest gift he could've given me).

I have two beautiful little girls, Indie Marie is 5 and Eden Grace is 2 1/2. Indie was born with a rare genetic disorder called Partial Trisomy 13. Considering the diagnosis, Indie is flourishing. She has issues with her vision and hearing and is developmentally delayed but despite all that she makes incredible strides everyday. Eden is as sassy as they come, and smart as a whip. I love them both more than tongue can tell, of course, but it has been a rough couple of years. There were a few months there where I spent my days holding them in a rocking chair reading books to them, singing songs to them, and basically trying not to go crazy. To say I had my hands full would be a MAJOR understatement.

So, what I'm trying to get at is that I can't wait for my 30's. I'm looking forward to my husband being done with school. For him to go to work and not have to do homework when he comes home, that will be something I have never known in our relationship. I'm looking forward to finally making some money, we have been "starving college students" for too long. I'm looking forward to my kids getting a little older and more self sufficient. Indie is making such great progress and she is getting much easier to manage every day.

This might sound weird but I feel like I'm finally becoming the person I'm supposed to be. I'm learning how to manage everything in life so that I have time for everyone, including myself. I have made an effort to find time to go to the gym, and feel like I'm in the best shape of my life. I've made time for book club, craft nights, and girls nights which has helped foster several meaningful and lasting friendships that I really cherish. I've made even more time for my husband and children because they're the most important people in my life. I'm looking forward to spending my 30's with the people I love most!

So there you have it. I feel like my 30's are going to be pretty rockin'.

I hope you all enjoyed meeting Jessica. I know I had a ball taking her picture. My favs are of her laughing. They where so natural. If anyone is interested in doing this and sharing how they feel about either turning 30 or already being 30, PLEASE contact me.