Picking my battles

Yesterday I posted on facebook a link that talked about being the OLDEST CHILD.  While I will claim this title willing, I am really wanting to focus on my oldest Child.  She is to a tee what this link talks about.  Ambitious and over the top.  And of course the Guinea Pig.  She just turned 10 years old.  I think that could qualify for the "TWEEN"  years.  It has been creeping on for several months now.  In the process I have had to re-learn how to deal with "EXPLODING EMOTIONS."  She has always run emotionally high, so the extra little push from the said ,hormones,  has really made our home, well egg shelly.....  Some days are great.  But most of the time a fight would break out, eventually.

For a month or so my amazing daughter had turned into a monster.  And I felt like the monster slayer.  Our home felt awful and sad.  The hardest part was that I understand how she is feeling.  Me and her are from the same mold.  Emotions on our sleeve for all to see.  Fighting for every inch even when you don't have to. It took us many prayers to finally get to the answer that my family needed.  

We had to change the way we reacted to this craziness. Her Dad deals well with her unless he gets pushed to his breaking point. He lowered his tone.  No yelling could fly back at her.  This Mama was required to be calm and peaceful despite the angry.  I stink at it sometimes and she gives us plenty of practice.  But our home has turned into a positive place to be, not a locked down prison where if anyone brushed by the other a raging fire broke out that couldn't be extingushed.

Also there is this little thing called ATTENTION..... This darling girl is the oldest of five children.  Attention can be hard to come by.  But it must matter to you what any of your kiddo's are saying.  Don't give them I am too busy.  Use those listening ears that you so insist THEY use.....  

Those soft loving arms you hold those new born babies in must still exist for those darling growing tweeners...  They need it more than we think.  Elementary school kids are mean little stinks.  I have seen tears coming from her eyes that where put there by her very best friend.  WE ARE TO ONLY LISTEN NOT FIX, OR CRITICIZE.  It would seem normal for us to analyze and tell them what they could have done better.  Just listen and let them cry.  Then build them back up.  Empower them so the next time something like that happens they will be better equipped to deal.  

Growing up is hard work.  These kids need a Mom and Dad in their corner.  What they do should matter to you even if they stink at it.  What happens to them must MATTER or they will feel alone.  Build them up so when their piers tear them down they will never fall too far.  

I have learned so much from my oldest.  She has by far been my biggest teacher in life.  She is my most difficult and by far my most resilient....  She has made it through me and her father (the slowest learners in the world)  And I know she will make it through these tween years and teenage years.  

The Girl is fierce and if she keeps her fight and fire pointing in the right direction..........

  

Being a Mother!!

So this is what has been on my mind all day long.  I am MOTHER!  I have 5 yes 5 children.  Each one their own little creature.  Each one with their own little quirks and frustrations and smile.  My love for each of them is undescribeable.  With my oldest daughter I though how could I love anyone more.  Then my son came and it just grew, and grew and grew and grew.  Until my heart is full of the love I have for every one of them.

I often times have found myself frustrated and sometimes mad that my career isn't what I think in my mind that it should be.  I look at the way others have blossomed in my field (and believe me there are many)  and i think how am I to keep up with the technology and styles.  I barely have time for the little work I do do (ha I just spelled do do.. a reoccuring joke at my house of elementary school children.)  So I find myself daydreaming the day away of how can I break into having those magazine spreads, or blog posts of beautiful weddings, or a perfect website.  But I do not have many of these things.  I have been privledged to have one or two of opportunities but never anything consistent.  I LOVE my job as a photographer but even more I LOVE MY CHILDREN.

They are what comes first in my life.  Just this afternoon I tried to book a class on learning more about the equipment I use, and realized that I have Wrestling practice, Cub Scouts, and Dance Class to make it to.  And feed them dinner before they go so they don' t miss behave at their said activities.  Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world.  I hate that Women put their kids aside so their career will flourish.  I am not taking away from those of you Women who have to work.  I respect you tremendously and know that every person's situation is different.  I sometimes wish that I could be you and do what I do full time.

But I wouldn't wish these moments that I get to spend with them away for anything.  Even the moments when your three year old throws a 15 minuet fit in Joannes because you won't buy her jewelry box that is 20 dollars...

So hug those little people who made you Momma's they are here to teach more than you will ever teach them.  And forgive you every time you make a mistake, and loose your temper.  They love you no matter what.  You made them, they are a part of you.  Keep them safe and remember how those little smiles light up your day even when it has been down in the dumps kind of day..