Picking my battles

Yesterday I posted on facebook a link that talked about being the OLDEST CHILD.  While I will claim this title willing, I am really wanting to focus on my oldest Child.  She is to a tee what this link talks about.  Ambitious and over the top.  And of course the Guinea Pig.  She just turned 10 years old.  I think that could qualify for the "TWEEN"  years.  It has been creeping on for several months now.  In the process I have had to re-learn how to deal with "EXPLODING EMOTIONS."  She has always run emotionally high, so the extra little push from the said ,hormones,  has really made our home, well egg shelly.....  Some days are great.  But most of the time a fight would break out, eventually.

For a month or so my amazing daughter had turned into a monster.  And I felt like the monster slayer.  Our home felt awful and sad.  The hardest part was that I understand how she is feeling.  Me and her are from the same mold.  Emotions on our sleeve for all to see.  Fighting for every inch even when you don't have to. It took us many prayers to finally get to the answer that my family needed.  

We had to change the way we reacted to this craziness. Her Dad deals well with her unless he gets pushed to his breaking point. He lowered his tone.  No yelling could fly back at her.  This Mama was required to be calm and peaceful despite the angry.  I stink at it sometimes and she gives us plenty of practice.  But our home has turned into a positive place to be, not a locked down prison where if anyone brushed by the other a raging fire broke out that couldn't be extingushed.

Also there is this little thing called ATTENTION..... This darling girl is the oldest of five children.  Attention can be hard to come by.  But it must matter to you what any of your kiddo's are saying.  Don't give them I am too busy.  Use those listening ears that you so insist THEY use.....  

Those soft loving arms you hold those new born babies in must still exist for those darling growing tweeners...  They need it more than we think.  Elementary school kids are mean little stinks.  I have seen tears coming from her eyes that where put there by her very best friend.  WE ARE TO ONLY LISTEN NOT FIX, OR CRITICIZE.  It would seem normal for us to analyze and tell them what they could have done better.  Just listen and let them cry.  Then build them back up.  Empower them so the next time something like that happens they will be better equipped to deal.  

Growing up is hard work.  These kids need a Mom and Dad in their corner.  What they do should matter to you even if they stink at it.  What happens to them must MATTER or they will feel alone.  Build them up so when their piers tear them down they will never fall too far.  

I have learned so much from my oldest.  She has by far been my biggest teacher in life.  She is my most difficult and by far my most resilient....  She has made it through me and her father (the slowest learners in the world)  And I know she will make it through these tween years and teenage years.  

The Girl is fierce and if she keeps her fight and fire pointing in the right direction..........

  

Being a Mother!!

So this is what has been on my mind all day long.  I am MOTHER!  I have 5 yes 5 children.  Each one their own little creature.  Each one with their own little quirks and frustrations and smile.  My love for each of them is undescribeable.  With my oldest daughter I though how could I love anyone more.  Then my son came and it just grew, and grew and grew and grew.  Until my heart is full of the love I have for every one of them.

I often times have found myself frustrated and sometimes mad that my career isn't what I think in my mind that it should be.  I look at the way others have blossomed in my field (and believe me there are many)  and i think how am I to keep up with the technology and styles.  I barely have time for the little work I do do (ha I just spelled do do.. a reoccuring joke at my house of elementary school children.)  So I find myself daydreaming the day away of how can I break into having those magazine spreads, or blog posts of beautiful weddings, or a perfect website.  But I do not have many of these things.  I have been privledged to have one or two of opportunities but never anything consistent.  I LOVE my job as a photographer but even more I LOVE MY CHILDREN.

They are what comes first in my life.  Just this afternoon I tried to book a class on learning more about the equipment I use, and realized that I have Wrestling practice, Cub Scouts, and Dance Class to make it to.  And feed them dinner before they go so they don' t miss behave at their said activities.  Being a Mom is the hardest job in the world.  I hate that Women put their kids aside so their career will flourish.  I am not taking away from those of you Women who have to work.  I respect you tremendously and know that every person's situation is different.  I sometimes wish that I could be you and do what I do full time.

But I wouldn't wish these moments that I get to spend with them away for anything.  Even the moments when your three year old throws a 15 minuet fit in Joannes because you won't buy her jewelry box that is 20 dollars...

So hug those little people who made you Momma's they are here to teach more than you will ever teach them.  And forgive you every time you make a mistake, and loose your temper.  They love you no matter what.  You made them, they are a part of you.  Keep them safe and remember how those little smiles light up your day even when it has been down in the dumps kind of day..

      

Moving on!

Just these past few weeks High School Seniors everywhere are on their way to bigger and better things.  I have had the great opportunity to photography several of them.  In spite of my excitement and love for each one of these young people.  I can't help but notice something in them.  There is a sense of vuneralbility. They are leaving a life that they have done exceptionally well at.  They have had so many accomplishments that up to this point seems like and incredible feet.  I am mostly writing because I fear for them.  Each one differently.  Some seem ready to attack this new adventure, leaving their greatness behind, only to become a little greater in a few years.  Some however, the ones I am most afraid for, seem unready.  The road they will follow seems set and ready for them.  They will leave however without a sense of who they are.  Their standards tested and their support system gone.  The one thing they had that kept them from harm will be gone.  They are to do it alone.  I remember how ready I was and thinking of nothing more than being on my own and getting to be responsible.  I was tested in my faith and my standards.  Thank Heavens for incredible friends who kept me on the straight and narrow.

So to all of you new adults, who are out there to start a new adventure.  Stop and think of who you want to become and become that person.  Stay strong, as you are now.  Hold fast to your faith and standards.  Don't change them to fit in.  And lastly invest in amazing friends.  Good luck and I am praying for you...

I love you BABY!

So the other night I was lucky to be a part of one fasinateing conversation.  It began with, "Do any of you remember"

This awesome person "Sally"  is one of my roomates.  I would in a way call her the "Mother" of our little group.  She is one special person and doesn't know it, but has been an inspiration of kindness and dedication.  She is exceptionally faithful to her religion and I adore her for her great testimony.  She a year or so ago sent me a letter.  Not an email, or a text, but and actual LETTER.  It came in the mail like old special pieces of paper do.  I read this note and it was thanking me for something I was unaware of.  She is just really great like that.

The reply to the question was by another inspirational woman, "Lindsay Jane."  She is still to this day one of my greatest friends.  She has been a teacher to me, an employer and an all around enlightenment.  I have been lucky to have been able to spend so much time with her.  We met at work, taking pictures, and it is a wonder to me that we became such fast friends.  I owe a many thanks to her.  And did I mention she takes an amazing photograph?..

My next friend "Jenny" as I knew her, jumped in to reply with a witty and smart answer.  Thank heavens for facebook, or I may never have heard from her again.  She was always so pretty...  You know one of those girls all girls hoped to look like one day.  Well guess what she is still as lovely looking as ever, and finally happily married...

Next one of the quieter of the group, unless she had something good to say, "Abrial" pops in to say her hellos.  She was always so bright and happy.  There when no one else was.  Now she has the cutest little fella around and expecting her second.

Finally a late comer to this conversation, besides me, is the most amazing "Emily".  I remember her singing all of the time and her wild way of looking at life.  She always had a creative way of looking at things and more than once made me change my perspective.  It was no surprise to me when I saw her photos on facebook that her hair was still awesome and short.  Something I still don't dare do.

Among all of these women I was reminded of a time when I didn't have to run every which direction.  When life was less demanding and I didn't feel like exploding from the constant noise.  That I do love by the way, but sometimes remembering makes the times when you are sick of it all bearable.

I was the first to tick myself off to marriage, and have babies, but relish in the times we had together.  They made every moment fun and silly.  It was easy to be around them.  From the moment we all met we where friends and I am glad to say I am still in touch with all of them.  (Finally)

So ladies here's to crazier, free times.  "I love you babies!!!"

I give up!

Have you ever had one of those days? 

This evening has been one of them.  It was normal and crazy around here, as usual, but for a few moments it got away from me.  Dinner was nearly done and I was pulling the chicken off of the grill.  In the mean time I entered my house to find my dog.  Now we haven't quite hit the love stage of this animal yet and today may have made it harder to get there.  She had found a very wet diaper and drug it down my hall and under the kitchen table.  Well during the drag time that stuff... You know the nasty mushy silicony stuff that you can't wipe up, sweep up, vacuum up, or really in any way shape or form clean up.  It had formed a trail that started at end of my hall and landed under my table.  I do my best to clean it up until my sweet neighbor knocks on my door.  Thank Heaven she is the non judge mental type that has seen my home at its very worst state.  She visits for a moment and I manage to clean it up and turn to find the paper towels unrolled completely and my two year old singing doda's through the tube.  

At this point I give up!  Thinking I have been beat.  But of course what is a victory without a little gloating.  As I pick up the unrolled towels, I hear the sweetest giggle ever.  I look to see my two year old throwing rice and chicken at my baby who is in a full belly roll at this point.  

So here you go I am now waiting for the rice to dry a little before a major sweep up.  

I guess my point is this.  How many of us are stuck on keeping it all together.  We look at others posted life's on line and start comparing ourselves to what we think they do.  And how perfect we think their lives really are.  We put ourselves down and start to feel crummy about who we are and what we do.  That we just don't measure up.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  

The bad guys that are working against us are loving to tear you down.  To make you think that your best isn't good enough.  I attended a stake relief society conference a couple months ago and this was the very thing that was talked about.  God wants us to do our best everyday.  He will fill in the rest.  He is what makes our best great.  When we feel we can do no more and have done all we can we must rely on him to help us through.  All we need to do is ask.  Prayers are the only things will get us through these days we want to just give up.  

Today may have been crazy and overwhelming, but I got to hear the best sound in the world, a babies giggle.  I was able to feed my children a good solid meal, and clean up a floor in home that may not be clean all of the time, But it is full of children that are happy.  They are what make me smile and realize that I can choose to look at the part that makes me crazy,  or be grateful for the things I have been blessed with.  

Choose to be happy or choose to be frustrated.. I take the first choice....    

My Valentine!

This is my Valentine. 

 He is one incredible guy.  

He gets up every morning and goes to work and continues to come home to all of us crazies.  Upon his arrival every small person is racing for the first hug.  It never ceases to make me smile.  He lives for us and is an incredible father to all five of his kids.  He is way more fun than I am. He also coaches and I am continually impressed with his willingness to get these kids to reach their highest potential. 

This man also takes time to kiss me goodbye and hello without fail.  He gives the best hugs in the world and I know there is safety in his arms.  Besides all of this wonderful stuff he does I love him with everything in me.  He puts up with plenty of emotion from neck of the woods, and the best part of it all it he loves me back.  I would be lost without this man.  He is my love for forever.  And that is a good thing, because forever is a long time.

I love you Mr. Jones!

9th, 10th, 11th, 12th and 13th

Baseball of course!  My family has a slight obsession with it...




                                                                          Hot Chocolate!  I drink all too often.  It has a calming effect on me.  Before bed, really anytime even in the summer....

My personal favorite add in is canned milk. It is heaven! 

I LOVE motivational/inspirational quotes!

and clearly President Hinckley said most of them! 

Dancing!!!  

I miss it soooo much! 

But sometimes I get to go 

Crazy like around the kitchen with the music as loud as it will go.

Dancing!!!

And finally with no picture attached 

COUNTRY MUSIC

I will always love it.  Give me a little Chris Ledoux or George Straight and I will sing out loud to almost every song.  The old stuff is the good stuff!